Once Upon A Time In The Folly (Full Version)

Prepare yourself for literary genius.




Connor Artemius Favid Blair was angry. His state of inebriation had begun to fade off, after all it'd been a month since he'd had a sip of the drink.
"Givvus a quid for a drink" He murmured at me, peeing in his pants.
"'Ere maattteee, I dunno whit wurld yoor frawm, bit whair I come frum, drink's quite costy." I shouted at him, quite racistly.
As he started to cry, I took out a cheeseburger I'd been saving for a special occasion. His tears dried up instantly as he clapped his eyeballs onto the cheeseburger, which must've hurt a little bit.
He was about to "proppa lay in", as they say, to the cheeseburger, which he had affectionately named Gary. As he opened his human sized mouth, the cheeseburger vanished, into thin air.
"IS THIS MAGIC? DID I EAT THE CHEESEBURGER?" He demanded, tears streaming from his eyes once again.
"Naw pallll, some eejit's tekin it fram us" I kicked him. Connor spewed.
We began to give chase to the thief, but with no luck, as we didn't see him or have any idea where he was now. One assumption we made, that turned out to be most successful, was that he was indeed a he. As we thought, we decided to check the boy's toilets in the antrim forum, the fortress of our enemy. As we arrived safely, we saw the thief.
Part 2
Connor Blair stood over the fallen corpse of leper boy, his sworn enemy."I may have won the battle, but I have also won the war" Connor laughed"Not so fast" Howled the angry voice of Connor's ma, to whom I was well attracted."What are you doing here," Connor mumbled, "!" Connor withdrew his pen and drew an angry face on a piece of paper"YOU GOIN DOWN" He shouted, but he pronounced down like Daayouwun. It sounded pretty class. Then connor did a backflip into his ma, who punched him in the oesaphogus, but he was unphased. he did a triple arabesque backflip tuck roll which he turned into a falcon kick, which sent Connor's ma into the well. All the while, I was watching and feeling quite pleased with myself, as I'd farted. As the dust settled and connor approached his ma's final resting place, clearing his throat to say the speech he'd prepared, which was full of top gun quotes, irrelevant to the situation.As we approached the crater, and the theme music stopped playing, we saw that in fact, Connnor's mother had vanished.
Part 3
"NOOOOOOOO" I thought quite loudly.
Connor said what i was thinking so I kicked him in the nads.
As, by this point, the cheeseburger fiasco was forgotten, we decided to go and get some Pizzas, from Connor's kingdom, Dom and Mo's Pizza. At least I think it's called that. I'm not being funny but it tasted like what I would imagine connor's hands would taste like. So after we wolfed down some of the hand shaped pizzas attached to the end of connor's arms, we began to think. It was at this point Connor remarked that his hands were missing, and I realised that he had made a terrible mistake.
"FAR FAKS SACK" I shouted at him
"WHUT" I heard him fart as he said this.
"YOUVE LET THE WOULD-BE THIEF GET AWAY" I said, in a surprisingly normal accent.
"no chaaaaaaaaance" he said as if he was going down a long tunnel. Which he wasn't.
So anyway, by this point we'd figured out that Connor's ma was still alive, partially because we're really smart, and partially because she'd just landed from space and falcon punched connor in the head.
Connor stood up, got new hands, and socked his ma, right there, in the gullet. She stumbled back, matrix-style and then they started fighting again. Connor picked up a table and threw it full speed at his mum, which pinned her against a wall, knocking her unconscious. He sprinted towards her, ran the length of the table and began to punch her repeatedly. She came to and threw the table into the air, connor going with it. He hid on the back of the table as she sent a Hadouken fireball his way. The table shattered, giving Connor the upper hand, somehow. He plunged towards the ground, holding the proverbial X button. As he hit the ground, he punched it, which threw debris and his ma into the air. At this point I realised Connor couldn't fight worth a turd, so I walked over, got his ma in the groin, because we all know she has man bits, and she died. Just like that.
Suddenly all the windows shattered as we heard a shrill voice howl.
"MAAAAAATTTTHHHHEEEEWWWW!!!!"
We both fell to our knees as the sound was too high pitched, but we both realised then who was behind it all. Miss Boyd, in her Omega form, towered over the Folly and all of its citizens. We realised we had to save the Folly, or else the world would lose the majority of its population. So both of us did a really fast run into Parkhall, which, let's face it, nobody would really miss. Boydo swung a dig at Connor, to which Connor took offence, and that's not easy to make connor take a fence, I mean offence. Anyway, then he said his catch phrase, "EVERYBODY'S ANGRY", which to be honest I don't really get. Then he booted her right in the face with his fist, and she fell over, squashing a group of young mums.
THE END










Or is it?